Broken
by LuigiWife1551
Summary: Companion piece to 'Returned'. Don had suffered the most under the strain of his brother's two year absence. It's not until a year later he finally cracks and allows the oldest to put him back together. Rated for safety.


**Hello all! This is the second to last companion piece to 'Returned'. Of course, this one is from the one who suffered the most in the 07 movie (at least in my opinion), Donatello. And yes, I'm aware it's been a while since I wrote Returned but I decided to add the other brother's POV and make it a mini series of a sort.**

 **Anyways, please enjoy! I own nothing and all is in Donnie's POV.**

* * *

 ** Broken**

 _My head was killing me that night this whole no Leo thing began... everything had changed since Leo left and I'm not sure how much more of this leader crap I can take anymore. I was never cut out for this but I was the most level headed and logical one, plus apparently I knew how to 'soothe Raphael's temper'... what a load of crap._

 _So when he finally, FINALLY decided to come home, Mikey- god, Mikey was so happy he bawled like a baby. And I knew Raph was tense- he blamed Leo for a lot of things and I could only imagine what was going to happen next. Or eventually happen next._

 _But me... I don't know how I felt. I mean, happy was there, definitly. Leo was home so I could stop feeling so... angry. I'd never felt so much of that before in my life. And I was tired... I was so tired of arguing, of seeing Mikey look so defeated, of seeing our father worrying and growing older and weaker by the day... I was tired of losing myself._

 _So yeah, when Leo came home... I felt all types of emotions, none of which I could logically explain._

 _I stayed in my room and I laid on my bed and I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to work on anything, I was just... tired._

 _Over the next few days, I saw Mikey come back to his old self. Even with Leo and Raph butting heads, something akin to normal had returned, I couldn't lie. Mikey still ran to me whenever things got too heated, still kept me company in my lab as I worked on an experiment and often asked me hard questions I wish he didn't have to be so perspective about._

 _It took us defeating Winters for each of us to slowly open up to our oldest brother again. I mean, when he's gone for two years and you had to learn how to comfort yourself, switching back to opening up wasn't exactly the easiest in the world._

 _One night, it wasn't Mikey that walked into my room. It was my eldest brother Leo. And I paused in the middle of a test I was running on Raph's bike he managed to break the engine off of and looked up at him._

 _He seemed... cautious of me, like I would attack him or something. But I wasn't THAT angry at him- I was just tired. So, so tired. I knew it was late and I needed to sleep but I never could since this whole thing began. So I kept myself awake as long as possible by working on some type of project, no matter how small._

 _It was how Leo had walked in on me- I was busy fixing Raph's motorcycle engine he'd broken during his stint as Nightwatcher. He wanted to go for a ride tomorrow and I figured after everything, it was something that could keep my mind occupied for a long time- Raph was far worse at destroying things than Mikey sometimes._

 _"Hey Don. What's up?" Leo asked. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and just shrugged. "Nothin' much. Fixing Raph's bike engine again." I knew how tired I sounded but I couldn't care. I hadn't had much sleep last night anyways. I couldn't really sleep, you know. I couldn't help but feel like my brother was dead and that dread just kept me up most of the night._

 _"Oh. How are you feeling? You look pretty beat, man. You been staying up again?" Leo asked casually as he pulled the door shut behind him._

 _"Okay, I guess." I answered, hoping he wouldn't ask anything else and he'd just leave. When he didn't ask anything but decided to make himself comfy, I asked him, "Where is everyone?"_

 _Leo jerked his head towards my door. "Raph's not home and I think Mikey fell asleep in front of the TV again. Father is asleep in his room." He took a long look at me and I felt kinda weird. I knew Leo was checking me over- I must've looked pretty bad after all- and I shrunk back into my chair, my eyes drifting to my work station and the scattered pieces on it._

 _Why Leo... why, why couldn't you just... just come back like you promised? Why'd everything have to be so hard...?_

 _"Don, are you sure everything is okay? You look beat."_

 _I had to bite back my tongue. Of course I was 'beat'- having to deal with a hard headed brother who barely respected you, and who you were beginning to fear, a brokenhearted baby brother who just wanted his life to go back to normal, and worrying about my father's health and well being was bound to take a toll on me!_

 _And then I had to wonder if Leo was alive... if he was going to come home... why he took so long and didn't even write a letter or anything... were we that bad to be around?_

 _All these thoughts kept going and going in my head and I was beginning to get a headache. I dropped the screwdriver and grabbed at my head, the pounding inside my skull just... killing me._

 _Like the first night me and Raph got into a fight... when I became leader...we'd been screaming at each other, Mikey begging us to stop and calm down. I'd stormed off into my lab and cried. That just wasn't like me to do what I had done back then._

 _The next thing I knew I felt someone's hand pressing against the back of my head and something being brought to my lips. I unconsciously parted my lips and let the liquid- I realized it was water- flow down my throat, which had suddenly felt really dry. Something else was pushed into my hand- from the feel of it, it felt like tablets. Ibuprofen._

 _"Don, take your time and swallow this." Leo... oh yeah, Leo was in here, wasn't he... god, my head._

 _I did what he said without much resistance, taking the tablets and finishing the rest of the water. Leo was standing up next to me, supporting me as I hadn't noticed that I was listing against him. I sigh and close my eyes, letting the pain run its course as I waited for the meds to kick in. I've gotten used to this by now, I tell myself._

 _"Donny, you okay now?" Leo asked softly after a few moments. I nod yes._

 _It was quiet for a while, save for the occasical beeping of whatever piece of machiary that was scattered one place or another. I savored the feel of Leo being here, being with us... and it got me angry all over again._

 _"Leo, why?" I suddenly asked, quietly, almost broken. I felt like I was... everything inside me was shattered and torn and I was so tired of feeling like, like... oh jeez, I don't know! I was just tired of feeling like THIS._

 _"Why what, Don?"_

 _"Why didn't you call or write or something? You could have at least told us you were alive! Why did you just leave us for nearly two years and think we could function like-like THIS?!" I snap, pushing him away and standing up. My fists were shaking and clenched shut and I was just so mad I...I swung at my older brother. Right at his chest. Over and over and over... god, I was so mad. I just kept punching and screaming and... I was mad._

 _Leo and me both looked at one another with the same expression once I calmed down- pure shock. But I think I was more shocked because I'd never, EVER actually intentionally hit my brothers. Even in training, I barely touched them, trying my best to defend myself instead of attack. Master always did tell me that was one of my weaknesses-my pacifist heart can get one of us killed one day._

 _But tonight I... I just lost it. I felt better, but still... Leo..._

 _He wrapped his hand about my still clenched fists and looked at me, but he didn't appear hurt that I had swung. Instead, he smiled sadly at me and tugged at me a little, causing me to stumble a bit towards him. I just sunk in his embrace, feeling everything bubbling up to the surface._

 _"I... I know, Don. I didn't mean to hurt any of you." he whispered._

 _"But you DID, Leo... you just left us and I... I thought you were dead and I was getting scared and-and..." I couldn't stop once everything poured out. I just broke._

 _Leo supported me as I sobbed my way through everything that had happened- how Mikey had changed after a year, how nasty and scary Raph was getting, how weak and frail our father was getting from lecturing Raph and comforting Mike from his recurring nightmares, how tired I felt of being something I knew I was never meant to be... how afraid I was of losing my family._

 _When I could get a hold on my emotions, I felt Leo steer me out of the lab and towards my room. We both sat on the bed and I focused on my hands clasped in front of me._

 _"How are you feeling? Besides angry, I mean." he said softly as he took a look at my left hand. I let out a small sigh, but I still can't quite look him in the face.._

 _"I...I don't know. I'm tired, Leo. I was never meant to be a leader and I wish I wasn't. We needed you Leo..." I whispered. Leo looked almost as defeated as I felt._

 _"I had no intention of being away for so long, Donnie." he began, deciding that my left hand would be alright and took up my right one. I felt a slight sting from that one- I'm guessing I must've did something to that one pretty bad. Oh well._

 _"I didn't feel like I could come back. I didn't... think I was ready to take up being a leader. And I needed some time to think."_

 _"Why do you keep assuming that? Leo, you've gone through more frightening things in your 15 years of life than any human out here!" I cut him off, getting past annoyed that he kept on assuming he had to be the 'perfect leader'. I heard Leo get up, grab something from the first aid kit nearby, and come back over to wrap my right hand._

 _"There's a reason for that..." he mused as he wrapped my hand. I arched an eye ridge._

 _"Out in Central America... there was a family I met. A father, his wife and their son. He was only a child, maybe six or seven. They were poor, and I think the father was a farmer, so often times the wife and child were home alone." Leo seemed... nostalgic as he continued on. I was getting intrigued, and my anger at his dissolved for the time being._

 _"I ran into the son one day. He'd been playing outside and I guess he spotted me in the trees. He asked me to come down and I told him that I couldn't. He asked me why, and I told him it's because I'm not... exactly human. He laughed and said neither was he and begged me for almost 45 minutes to come down so I can meet him." Leo set the kit aside and continued._

 _I tilted my head up and was about to ask what the kid met before a finger was pressed to my lips in amusement. "He said that... because he was suffering from a tumor in his leg. It was disfiguring and I'm guessing where he was living, he was seen as a demon. Kid couldn't walk without a cane or some form of assistance."_

 _A tumor... I'd only seen those on the Internet, never in person. "Poor kid.. he had it tough..." I said sadly, feeling so horrible for him even though I'd never met him._

 _Leo smiled. "He said his name was Aniut. I believe that's how you pronounce it. I finally gave in and jumped down to meet him. He was shocked at first, but he approached me with the biggest grin on his face and held out his hand for me to shake. He kinda reminded me of Mikey... always smiling despite his health condition, despite the fact his family was practically alone..."_

 _I bit my lip. I understood that feeling all too well, as did my brothers and father. We all wanted to live a normal life, but no one would ever accept us for what we were. Despite it though, Mikey in particular, always made us laugh, made us remember that we're always together, and that's enough to make us forget about the evil and pain outside. For a human to have suffered the same as us... it just shows how disgusting they are._

 _"He really was a sweet kid, although he had this strong belief I was homeless and kept bringing me food late at night, despite the fact his family was poor and could barely afford food for themselves. I helped them out around the farm whenever the father wasn't home. He was always wondering how his crops grew so well so quickly, but I begged Aniut not to reveal my existence to his family. They already had enough to worry about with their son possibly dying, I couldn't give them anymore concern."_

 _Leo kept going, but something in him changed and I had a feeling it was going to be bad. His hand tensed as he once again took my injured one in his. "I came by to visit one night after Aniut asked me to. He said he had a bad feeling about something and he wanted to show it to me. But when I got there, the door seemed to be ajar. I felt something growing in the pit of my stomach as I approached the entryway."_

 _At that, Leo paused, gripping my hand kinda painfully tight. "When I went in... there was blood everywhere." His voice cracked as he went on. "The parents... both of them had been murdered, the father, beheaded. I didn't see his head anywhere, but it was the blood... Don, the whole house smelled of blood, and I was sick to my stomach."_

 _"Aniut... what happened to him?" I was almost afraid to ask. If his parents had died and he was already sick and weak to begin with... there was no way..._

 _"He was still alive, but he was severely hurt. His leg-the one with the tumor- was busted and bloody, and he'd sustained at least three or four deep stab wounds. Everything in the house was tossed about or heavily destroyed."_

 _Leo shuddered. "His mom was trying to protect him by taking most of the attack, and she... she was dead. The rage that the person had to do what he did to them..." He trailed off and I just sat there, silent. What if that had happened to one of us... what would we have done?_

 _"Leo... what did you do?" I asked quietly. Leo looked at me._

 _"Assisted death. It was the only thing I could think of to ease his pain." he responded just as quietly. I felt my whole body freeze. Assisted... death..._

 _"D-Did... he know?" I choke out._

 _Leo shook his head no. "I don't think he knew what was going on, or even realized the fact his parents were gone. He knew I was there, though. I pried him from his mother's arms and that's when I saw his injuries. There was no way he was going to live but it seemed like Death was taunting him."_

 _Once again, a wave of nausea hit me and I leaned against my brother for support. I guess it was just as well, for Leo wrapped an arm around my shoulders and rubbed them. He needed the closeness, and I was beginning to understand now. Why he felt he had to stay so long. It didn't make things right, though, and I intended to address that once he got what he needed off his chest._

 _"He didn't know what was going at first, but... God, Donnie... he seemed so scared but slowly it dawned on him. He figured out he was going to die and asked me if he was going to be with his mom and dad." Leo choked and looked away, but I knew tears were already running down his face. I felt tears running down mine too. The anger and tightness inside my chest grew worse._

 _All this time Leo thought he wasn't a good leader, when he was really just terrified he'd let us down like he probably felt he had Aniut...that he'd have to resort to something like that that would damn well shatter his soul... Leo.._

 _"I told him that I'd help him if he trusted me enough to do so. He gave me this lopsided smile and I remember thinking that he was just like Mikey... and I almost didn't do it. I didn't want to, Donnie... he was just a child... that wasn't fair!"_

 _I'd never heard Leo sound so... pained. So angry at himself before. It lessened the anger in me again, and I had to ask myself what good was this tug of war going on inside my heart. I wanted to be mad at him so badly, but on the other hand, hearing what he had experience- well, one of the more painful ones, anyways... I couldn't be mad at him._

 _"Aniut understood, though. He said it was okay, and I just... ended it. I stayed with him until I couldn't feel his pulse and after that, I buried his family."_

 _It was silent after that. I couldn't say anything-how could I offer words of comfort to a brother who had to witness something like that? What could you even say? And given how scrambled my thoughts were I didn't think I was the best person to say anything on that topic._

 _"I kept having the same nightmare after that night. About... you all. What if that had happened, and... if I could... do something like that." I knew that feeling all to well, as it brought back another memory, a few weeks before Leo left for Central America._

 _Assisted death was a topic I remember I was once told to teach to my brothers, under Master Splinter's direction. At the time, I remember feeling so sick I couldn't get through the teaching and Leo had to take over._

 _I hadn't wanted to show them something like that, even though I knew I should have- one day we may have to use it to save one of our own from pain and allow them an easier, painless passing. Which, in our line of work and who we were, made perfect sense._

 _But the mere thought of it... I couldn't do it. Just thinking of my brother's blood on my arms, them shivering and scared and dying... leaving me behind, leaving me and our family to cope with their passing... I almost passed out. I never want to think about it, but I knew I had to. We don't last forever._

 _I couldn't imagine Leo having to do such a thing to a young boy... it would've scarred him. It would've scarred any of us..._

 _"Leo, stop." I finally pleaded, pressing my head to his plastron to steady myself._ _Now that I knew what he had to have gone through, possibly more than what he had managed to tell me, I didn't feel as much anger toward Leo. Just... a slight hurt, really._

 _"Do the others know?" I asked shakily. Leo shook his head no._

 _"I only told Raph I had nightmares about you guys. He doesn't know the specifics just yet. And Mikey... I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to scare him. He doesn't know and if I can help it I don't want him to know."_

 _"It still doesn't make what you did right, Leo." I whisper, pressing my forehead to his chest. "Especially after something like that... you could've came home. You could've at least told us so we'd KNOW..."_

 _Leo started rubbing circles on the back of my shell and kept his other one on the back of my head. "I know, Donnie. I know and I'm so, so sorry." he said quietly. "But it... it scared me, you know? There was so much killing going on in some of the pooer villages- people who were good and hard working who just wanted to be happy- and I kept seeing children dying one after another... honestly if April hadn't visited when she had, I don't think I'd come back as the brother you knew."_

 _I can't say anything to that either. He's right- Leo's always been prone to really bad nightmares, next to Mikey. Coupled with all he'd seen out there, there's not way Leo would have come back as the older brother we knew. But still... I mean..._

 _"Donnie... can I ask you something?"_

 _"Y-Yeah..."_

 _Leo hesitated. "Do you... I mean, can you... forgive me? Can any of you truly forgive me?"_

 _I smiled faintly. "Leo, we have. Myself, Mikey, Raph, April and Casey, Father... it just took us awhile. We had to make such a change before you left so you coming back out of the blue like that... it wasn't going to be easy."_

 _"Don't remind me." Leo chuckled before he relaxed._

 _"We were all very angry, hurt, and afraid. And I know you were too, Leo. This whole thing affected us differently, but what matters now is that is finally over and behind us." I let out a yawn before I snuggled in his arms._

 _"You're right."_ _Leo murmured before adding, "Donnie...I don't ever want to go through this again."_ _"Me either... none of us do so don't go leaving us again, okay?" I mumbled, slightly sleepy._

 _"Don't worry. I won't." Leo assured me. I believed him... because finally, I felt at ease. Everything was going to be alright. We would be alright._

 _Leo pulled up the blanket around us and settled into my bed with me. I didn't mind. I needed sleep, yes, but I needed Leo here more. Besides, I knew he'd be in his own bed once I was fast asleep anyways._

 _"Get some rest. I asked Father to excuse all of us from training tomorrow so we could catch up on some movies. Raph's already picked out like, six or seven..."_

 _I knew Leo was still talking, but after that Raph movie part, I had heard no more._

 _Now that we both got everything off our chest, I think we can begin to let this go for good. It's been months since Winters died, and almost a year since Leo came home, but tonight was the first night I truly felt life was as it should be for us._

 _With Leo home, Mikey's smiling and happy again, Raph's finally calmed down (he even apologized for his behavior towards me about a week after we defeated Winters, which shocked me) and back to his normal bash 'em in behavior with Casey, and me..._

 _I just feel relieved. That this whole mess is over and that we can all begin to move on. That I can move on._

 _I'm not as broken and tired anymore. I feel...normal. Life is back to normal and I can't ask for anything more._

 **END**

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 **And complete! This one is the longest one by far, and I believe that Donnie did suffer the most in the 07 movie due to the multiple roles he had to play in Leo's absence.**

 **I have one last one in the 'Returned' series- of course, I have to show Leo's point of view in all this. But for now, please let me know what you think of this one.**

 **Until next time!**


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